The Lord of the Rings
Frodo: Hi, Uncle Bilbo.
Bilbo: Frodo. Take a look at my ring.
Frodo: Uncle, I didnt fall for it as a kid and Im not
Bilbo: (whispered) Behoooooold!
Frodo: Crikey!
Bilbo: Take it.
Frodo: Ta unc
Gandalf: Frodo Baggins! You, as owner of the One Ring must journey to Mordor, dark heartland of the evil Sauron, and pitch
the shiny finger piece into the fiery crack of mount doom!
Frodo: Bugger.
Bilbo: Ha-hahaha..
Sam, Pippin and Merry: Heard about the quest, Fro.
Frodo: (annoyed) Doh!
S, P and M: Can we come?
Frodo: Ok. But you must provide slapstick humour and at least one bumpkin accent. Alright.
P and M: Youre on. Whoops!
Sam: Ooh ar.
S, P and M: Are we nearly there yet?
Frodo: No, were at Rivendell.
Black riders: No youre not. Haha. Stab.
Frodo: Uuuurgh.
A passing orc: Yes? Did you want something?
Elrond: Welcome Frodo. Live long and prosper.
Frodo: Cheers big ears.
Elrond: Hmpf. Come you are needed in council.
Gandalf: Young hobbit, meet the rest of the fellowship. From my left, Aragorn
Aragorn: Hi!
Gandalf: Gimli
Gimli: Utters a beard swallowed salutation.
Gandalf; Boromir
Boromir: Excuse me, I am sullen.
Gandalf: And Legolas, oh please Ladies!
Frodo: I will bear this burden, though it is great. I will shoulder the
Gandalf: Jolly good. Now, lets go!
The fellowship: Yes, lets.
Darkness
Frodo: Whats that?
Sam: I dont know Mr Frodo, sir. Its dark.
Frodo: Sounds like
Gandalf: Orcs.
The fellowship: Argh, run away!
Gandalf: What, speak up, Im 276 you know.
Merry: Phew
Merry: No, Im Merry. Youre Pippin.
Merry Pippin: Oh yes, pity about Gandalf.
Merry: Yes, I wanted his stick.
Aragorn: This is it, my friends. The sundering of the Fellowship.
Frodo: But weve only been together 15 m.
Aragorn: Frodo, whats that word in the title.
Frodo: Ashamed Abridged sir.
Aragorn: Thank you. You and Sam must slip away undetected.
Frodo (suddenly): Fine.
A: Merry, Pippin.
M P: Yes
A: Youll be kidnapped by orcs.
Boromir: Ha ha ha.
A: And me, gimli and legolas, oh please ladies, will rescue you from a bunch of trees, and have high adventures with horses.
And you, boromir.
Boromir: Haha, yes..
A: You will be ambushed by orcs and you will die a broken man.
Boromir: Nurts/nuts
Sam: Its cold mr frodo sir.
Frodo: Put a sock on it wurzel.
Sam: Good tip.
Gollom: Argh, my presh-ow.
Frodo: And you, you slimy wee bugger.
Gandalf: Haha, I have returned.
Aragorn: There you are. Right then, frodo and sam have
Gandalf: I said I have returned.
Aragorn: Yes, very good. Now if youll excuse me I havent had a battle yet and Im getting antsy.
Gandalf: Ok to helms deep everyone, were off to beat the orcs.
Everyone: Rah rah rah!
Gollum: Gissit.
Frodo: No
Gollum (thinks): Please gissit
Frodo: Why I oughta (levels a punch at gollum)
Gollum: Aieeeeeeeeee! Falls clutching the ring into mount doom.
Sam (peering over the edge of the abyss): Didnt know he was Japanese!
The abyss: Watchoooo staring at?
Aragorn: Bugger. Got blood on my skirt.
Gandald; Whinger. Buy a new one. Youre king.
A: Eh? Already.
Gandalf (dismissively)Editing. Now, unite Middle Earth. Please.
Aragorn: (blinks) What now?
Frodo: Sam?
Sam: Yes Mr Frodo?
Frodo: Do you think (brushes ash and lava from his trousers, Do you think theyve forgotten about us this time?
Ssam: Oo-ar.
By Alan Heal ( with a name like that hes got to be evil)
